Well, i've been trying to find out why Mrs. Sanders (the greatest mentor and friend in the world) hasn't been home lately. I even went by her home last weekend. Turns out, Sparkman High School's billboard currently reads, "in loving memory of Dianne Sanders." She died. Of cancer. Where was i? Why wasn't i there? I wish there was something i could have done. I wish i could have been more of a companion and influence on her, like she was on me. I can't even cry. I'm so numb. What's worse...i can't talk about this w/my best friend b/c she isn't my b/f anymore, since about 5 p.m. today.
I love you, Mrs. Dianne Sanders.
Well, not too much to update w/.
I went to the Athens News Courier on Wed. afternoon. I left my resume and copies of my work w/the publisher Denny. Only time will tell...and perseverance.
Tomorrow is Friday, which means the WEEKEND, which i think inevitably means another Blockbuster weekend, seeing as how i don't really have the good friendships i desire here that i do @ E&H.
In recent news, i finally took a stand with Melissa (i know she'll read this, but seeing as how i've already told her how i feel, i don't feel bad typing it.). I told her exactly how i felt, and i stood up for my beliefs and feelings. Who knows how she'll respond?! At this rate, i'll get a call back when Hell freezes over.
Well, this boy is peacing out.
Current Music: Gavin - Belief
Wow...lots to tell. First of all, i've decided that tequila doesn't mix w/anything that will make it taste good. It's best to shoot it!
I've recently had the stark realization that i have very few best friends left here in Alabama. I can really only think of Gennell and maybe the new addition to the good friend list, Audry. All of my other "friends" have deserted me. This is a sad concept to think about, and drinking alone this summer will not be fun.
In good news (or at least i hope so), i'm going to the Athens News Courier tomorrow to talk w/the publisher Denny about a position hopefully. Not that i don't like Media Solutions, but it's high time i did something w/my major. And i can't think of a better way than to work at a newspaper. I don't care if i'm copy editing or licking envelopes. I REALLY WANT TO WORK IN THAT NEWSPAPER OFFICE! In order to prepare for tomorrow, i have updated my resume. I have collected copies of The Whitetopper, ones that i have written articles for and ones where i held the Arts & Life Editor position. I also grouped all of my written articles together, compiling a portofolio. And i gathered the yearbooks i have worked on in the past, including The Sphinx and The Senator. If that's not enough, i prepared a snazzy little outfit as well. I WANT THIS JOB!
Speaking of yearbooks, i'm excited to be editor of The Sphinx next year. I have so many ideas. I need to send a campus wide e-mail, so i can maybe generate some interest for next year.
I don't know what i'm doing this weekend. Seeing as how i don't have very many true friends left, i'll probably be hitting up another Dawson's Creek night. Maybe i'll get some Jim Beam for this weekend; that's a novel idea. I really want to see Star Wars: Episode III in theaters, but it might already be sold out!
Cassie came by today to visit. I haven't seen her in a while. She immediately commented on my overboard Greekness and my black hair. She said i definitely have changed, but, in my opinion, it's a good change.
Speaking of Greek...I MISS MY BROTHERS!
I MISS MY EMORITES! I MISS A LOT OF THINGS! :( Peace to all.
Current Music: Lifehouse - You & Me
Well, let me just say: it's been a whirlwind these last few days & weeks. So much to discuss.
Lately, i think i've been suffering from separation anxiety. I miss Emory and my brothers so much. I know, I spend most of my time at E&H, but it's weird how much of a bond can be created in 3 months. I'm just sad about the whole thing, and i think a lot of people are wanting to solve what's wrong w/me, when it's really something internal for me. Sometimes i just don't feel like dealing w/it or talking about it. I think i've said this before on a journal entry, but whenever i leave for Emory, i feel like i'm taking 2 steps forward, but whenever i come back home, i feel like i'm taking a step back. I really don't know how to remedy that feeling, but it always subsides and returns again & again.
I looked back at old yearbooks from middle school and high school today. I was disgusted. I remember how much i wanted to fit in & how much i hated it then (sometimes). Then i realized how different i am since then. I also looked at some old model pics (maybe i'll post them one day), and i'm differnt in a year's time, from freshmen to sophomore year of college. It's amazing but weird. I seem to be able to change easily, i think.
Tomorrow, i'm going to see Jeb's house; gosh, he seems like the old man settling down. I think we're definitely on different paths. I think i surprised him when i said i had pledged a fraternity (the best damn frat ever!). I'm also going to a softball game w/Audry & NOB. I love that girl; she's happenin, fun and hot! Much time must be spent w/her this summer! I start work on Thursday for like 13 weeks i believe! That's a lot of times to wake up at 4:30 a.m. But Friday, i'm getting drunk somewhere. I don't know where, but it's happening b/c i'll be damned if i'll remain sober when i realize my best buddies are graduating the next day! Then Sat. i'm helping fix the roof:(. And Sat. night Suse is coming into Athens, Ala., and i will definitely find myself at a lakehouse w/her and her friends getting _____. Well, you fill in the blank.
I think drinking is the only way i'm getting through this summer. Plus, i'm hoping for a few weekend excursions (Sixs Flags w/Terica, some random hangout w/Scott, the beach w/my family). Whatev! I'll do it one way or another!
I'm out...if you wanna hear more, well, call or something or maybe even too bad!
Current Music: Death Cab for Cutie - "Blacking out the Friction"
"I haven't been feeling like myself lately. I don't know what myself is; it's subjective and changes all the time."
I don't know what the deal is, but there is definitely something in the air to make me feel...unsettled. If Only i could figure it out. Maybe it's the fact that graduation is around the corner and some of the best people i have ever met are leaving? Maybe it's something hidden inside of me, something that only makes me more angry than i already am? Is being happy such a crime? I was so happy, especially after i pledged OXE. I'm still happy w/OXE. Everything else? Who knows?
Function occurred last weekend. It was a bit ridiculous. I walk in, & Jess & Liz both ask me to take a shot w/them. I can't resist peer pressure! So, i had quite a bit in a short amount of time and felt good. The next day, however, not so good. Ugh! We ate at Macadoos, which only took 3hrs! I thought if i didn't get my food, I would vomit outside the 2nd story window of the restaurant. Then, we all went back to the house, and i took a nap. I finally emerged, drank a few Coronas, some pina coladas, some margaritas, some vodka, then i was ready to go. But apparently it wasn't enough. 7 shots of tequila and 1 shot of gin later, and i was clothesless! It made for some interesting pictures. &, i've found out that tequila makes me angry, but hey, what doesn't?
So, only one more week of classes, then one week of finals, and i'm home. It all seems so fast. Am i ready for this? Only tears will tell.
Current Music: Gavin
|» All in all, it's just another day now.|
Well, my life has certainly been interesting lately. |
Last weekend, OXE and Delta Pi had a little party at Jen and Jamie's apartment. Let's just say that Liz & I LALAed all over the kitchen floor and the stairwell and the couch. Fun times.
This weekend. Hmm. Friday night, i partied with Morgan, Emily and Carter. Vodka and Redbull, my drink of choice! Before the night grew long, Morgan & i made out. It was fun! Then, Courtney took me back to my room, where i walked over to Hillman to party w/Mackenzie, Eric, Richard and shit-tons of more people. Word. Saturday night, OXE had their Hidden Valley party, and well, since it's my fraternity, you'll be damn sure i had a good time. It was amazing being there with my brothers and my lovely and beautiful sisters. Then Coleman took me, Chan, Jason and Meg back to campus to Eric's b-day party. Fun but a little dramatic and weird. Erin & i made out for quite a few seconds though. Fun times again. And, through the course of the night, i managed to get mad at Will and Carter. Long story, not enough time.
This coming weekend. Can we say word up to the Delta Rho function with all the best bitches in the world! It's gonna be crazY!
The next weekend. Our function. I still haven't decided who to take for this one. Must decide. Must be INSANE!
Lastly, i have managed to piss off Chris by being vague with him about the extent of how i feel. Maybe i should talk to my friends back home but nevermind. Since most of them have spoken their peace about him online, i guess we won't, will we?
|» nothing affects me like it should.|
Well, i finally made it home for break yesterday. I don't think i have ever felt so numb in my life; nothing affects me like it should.|
On the bus ride, i played the role of the observer (Harrison tells us as writers we should be great observers.); how could i not observe the masses on a Greyhound bus? I met two older ladies that encouraged my studies greatly. It was nice to sit by sane people on the way home.
I arrived last night, and I saw Melissa and Stepheny for a little bit right before i fell asleep on my couch. They stopped by before Stepheny needed to get back home. We had a few laughs. They left. I slept.
Today i awoke, and we went to Jen's new home. It's nice, especially for her baby boys. I've contracted a cold, so i've been sniffling and coughing a little bit. I finally talked to Grams for a bit. Mom & I came home, and Dew was coughing badly. Mom started to tear up b/c it won't be long before Dew will need to be put to sleep. I didn't cry. I don't know why. I wanted to, hysterically.
Mom & i had a long talk today. Hopefully our fights will end. Tomorrow I start work for five days.
Will the numbness end? I sincerely hope so.
|» Cold chills!|
So, i'm sick again. It started this weekend when i watched Texas Chainsaw Massacre w/Monique. I had a significant cough; that was it. The next day, i wake up w/cold chills, fever, coughing to the point of puking, & a headache. It was tragic & still is tragic, since i'm still feeling it! Hopefully, i will get better soon b/c...|
(1.) Tonight i start my new position as the Arts & Life Editor of the Whitetopper, which is a big deal to me. I do not want to mess this up! Seeing as how i didn't even want to remove my body from the bed, this poses a problem.
(2.) Pledge Week is next week. If everyone doesn't know, i am rushing the frat scene, just seeing what it is like. I've had a good time thus far. A bit of advice, everyone should at least wait until you are a sophomore to rush; that way you'll be sure you want to do it, and you will know a vast variety of other people. No comment on where i'll go...it all depends on whether i get a bid. Regardless, i don't want to be sick while pledging (if i end up pledging).
(3.) I have to start interviewing folks for my in-depth news story for MCOM 350 - something i don't want to do in the cold & snow, while being feverish & achy!
(4.) I had mono last semester; i do not need the flu in my life this semester. The end, period.
In other news, i sent a videotape to the Real World Auditions b/c...i've always wanted to be on the real world. I had so much fun w/it, & i hope i'm picked. Thanks to Sunni, my amazing helper, it just might happen!
In March, Kate Morton & i will make our way to Norfolk, Virg., to see Ryan Cabrera in concert, which is all general admission. I'm forseeing smacking some bitches up (like the Atlanta Hanson concert - remember Melissa & Nichole?!) b/c i will make my way to the front of the stage dammit! Kate & i are eating the cafe inside the venue, which allows all people who do eat there to get by the stage 15 minutes before the front doors open! Amazing! I think my sign will say: "You make me wanna LALA; you make me wanna SCREAM!" What do you guys think about that? I think it adds a little irony.
That's life lately. Peace out.
|» "The past is in the past."|
So, lately, i've been dealing with a lot of issues in my life (my anger, my path in life, & just my general unhappiness); it's really hit me hard this week for some reason - i guess better to now than later, if that's a positive way in looking at it. I've finally decided that my issues need controlling, which i'm attempting to conquer at the moment. So, just a note, if i seem hesitant towards you or if i seem different, it's not you (most likely); i just have, well, this thing i have to deal with all on my own.|
Anyway, enough of that diatribe, classes are okay; it always takes me a few days to get into them, maybe even a few weeks. I'm sure i'll enjoy them; i mean, they are classes that revolve around my majors, so that's a plus.
I desperately need to see Ryan Cabrera in concert. Someone should come with me. You know you like him too!
Well, off to go eat with the Suse & watch some O.C. later, then h/w. We'll make it through.
|» Chrismukkah is around the corner.|
I just got on WebAdvisor to see my grades; i was a little disappointed, but i resolved to the fact that it was okay that i made a B.|
Great Books B+
Freedom of Expression B
Major American Writers A-
That pretty much sums it up. My grades are actually decent, considering i was on the verge of an A- in just about every class. I think i'm most proud of my American Writers grade; i really feel that my effort increased immensely in that class, & this grade proves it. I'm proud of my Freedom grade as well; that class was extremely hard -- Killer Keller! Anyway, enough of the diatribe about my grades.
I'm back home for Christmas, & things are simply the same. My brother is here for our little Chrismukkah celebration [Christmas + Hanukkah = Chrismukkah]. Chrismukkah O.C. style baby!
I love that i'm getting Melissa hooked on the O.C. I knew should could handle the O.C. goodness. I believe we are spending Christmas Eve together, while watching many episodes of O.C., Season 1.
I need to call Gennell & let her know i'm in town; we're gonna have to get together soon -> after Christmas probably.
My got liquor for Chrismukkah from one of her clients -> many little airplane bottles. The first thing she tells me: "I counted those bottles, by the way!" I must be a drunkard, according to her!
Anyway, let the Chrismukkah celebration begin.